January 24, 2009

The last time I wrote in my blog was on the anniversary of Laura’s passing.  Today I am writing again to honor the day she was born.  Well, it’s actually tomorrow but I have so many thoughts flowing through my mind, I didn’t want to wait to write them down.  So Laura was born on January 24, 1985. She is 24 years old tomorrow.  What would it have been like?  Would she have come to live with me in CA? What are some of the things I could or would have done with her? I think of all the things that I have seen at least the beautiful places and wonderful things I’ve seen and I wish she was with me standing there sharing the emotion of witnessing all this beauty.

I know in spirit she does see and experience the things I want to her to see and enjoy with me, but it’s just not the same.  I envy the parents that have children that can do the day-to-day things and have their child or children with them, taking care of them and nurturing them and watching them grow.  It’s an awesome feeling.  I know there are always rough patches, but in the end you see them grow and flourish into magnificent beings that now are the sum total of your own genes and upbringing.

I miss Laura.  I think of her often and imagine her all grown up as this beautiful young woman who is experiencing this life and making her own mark as she steps into through this world.  Would she have gone to university to study? Or would she have taken on some missionary work in some far off land? Would she want to marry or be dating someone?  I can imagine her reaction when I ask if she likes some guy … Dad!

Either way, whatever her heart truly desired, I would have backed her all the way.

As a parent I have these questions because I only experienced part of the joys and sorrows.  The ups and the downs.  I feel as though I have missed out on the rest of it.  There is a sense of incompleteness.  This makes me sad. 

I am grateful though for having been blessed with the experience of being a dad a friend and parent to a beautiful young, vibrant and amazing daughter, my Laura. 

So this blog today is dedicated to Laura Maria Guzzo.  I love her, I miss her, and she is in my thoughts and in my heart forever.

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