A good friend told me once that in time my sad memories would be replaced with happy memories and thoughts of a good life. A life full of joy and laughter compacted into fourteen years. Here it is fifteen years later and I find myself remembering almost every second of the last few days of Laura’s life. The days that led up to her going into a coma. The drama between Laura’s mother and my aunt who drove for hours desperately wanting to visit with Laura knowing that there was little time left and was not allowed to see her. My mother who flew in from Italy and couldn’t get a flight out fast enough and arrived just hours after Laura had passed and was devastated because she wanted to say goodbye … one last time.
Yes, I remember everything. One thought immediately leads to another and another and then I’m overwhelmed with memories that flood my mind. How the number 9/13 seems to show up everywhere. I booked a room for family visiting and all the hotels had sold out because of a conference in Windsor and the only hotel that had a room left was room number 913. Laura was born in 1985, 8+5 is 13. I know, silly, but I see it. How Laura came into the world at 1:16 PM and left at the exact same time.
They say there are no coincidences but I believe that nothing is coincidental and everything is intended with purpose and meaning.
I remember when I was divorcing Laura’s mom, the most innocent of words (from Laura) with no preconceived idea as to the depth of what she was saying were uttered – words that cut me to the core of my soul “how can you do this to me?” Yes, these are the sad memories. The ones I hoped would be replaced with the joyful, fun more jubilant memories … and for the most part they have been.
The travel, restaurants, parks, school, church, family, boat rides, amusement parks … lots of great memories. I keep a special wooden box with Laura’s photos in it. Through the years I have asked my family to let me have some of the photos they have also collected. I have saved these and will on occasion go through them … reminiscing … missing my princess.
My goal now is to write a book about her life but not just as a memorial to her but more as a voice for her. You see, she had dreams and goals. She aspired to be more and do more. Countless others are just like her. Children matter … their dreams matter, their wishes matter …
Children are our future. This planets future. But if a child’s life is taken before they get to sing their song then a huge void is left in this time continuum and those that make into the future will be short changed the gifts that these children carry with them. So to them I will dedicate my book. In the mean time … for me … for now … I have my special box, my heart overfilled with memories, my soul craving to see her again, and a love that can never be extinguished not even by death itself.