I have been in love and out of love several times in my life. I wonder sometimes if I truly know the meaning of love. Deep down I know I do and I know what it feels like but I must admit that love is probably one of the most evasive and misunderstood emotions of our time.
Think about it …
- Most singles are looking for love
- Those in relationships fall out of love (2 in 3 marriages get divorced)
- Those that stay together question it and wonder if they are still in love
- And then there are those that stay together even though they no longer feel love
Makes me want to scream … What the f**k
Someone must have had a good laugh when they implanted us with this emotion that can take you from the most elated and joyful pleasurable moments in life to a gut wrenching, shoot me now – I just want to die because life sucks – sort of pain.
We love our families. My personal experience has been that I never really thought about how much I loved or didn’t love my brother, sisters or parents until I lost my own daughter. That was my awakening. Now I make time to visit with my parents especially because I know they wont be here forever and I do not want to live with the regret of not having spent more time with them.
The bible encourages us to love one another as we love ourselves. It even suggests that we love our enemies. Kind of plays into a line from the Godfather trilogy, “keep your friends close but keep you enemies closer” I’m just being funny here … That line just sort of popped into my head … but these are different kinds of loves
What prompted all this was my gym outing and while on the treadmill I watched, as I usually do a Ted Talk. Today I watched Mandy Len Catron who wrote an article amongst other things titled: To fall in love with anyone, do this. She also did this very presentation on Ted Talks. This is about Mandy’s personal love story and how she used science to help her fall in love. Its actually pretty interesting as it involves asking 36 questions and then an exercise which involves staring into each others eyes for four minutes without speaking. Here’s a link to the questions and here’s the YouTube video showing some people and their thoughts on staring at each other for 4 minutes.
I encourage you to read the blogs and watch the videos. But what got me were her final words in the Ted Talks presentation.
Here is what Mandy says towards the end of her presentation:
“What I want from love is a guarantee, not just that I am loved today and that I will be loved tomorrow, but that I will continue to be loved by the person I love indefinitely. … The moment you admit to loving someone you admit to having a lot to lose. … falling in love is not the same as staying in love. Falling in love is the easy part … I want the happy ending … but what I have instead is the chance to make the choice to love someone and the hope that he will chose to love me back and it is terrifying … that’s the deal with love.”
And there you have it. Mandy has encapsulated what I believe most of us feel but so few of us are honest enough to admit when we have these feelings. Love can be strange, difficult, challenging and yes, terrifying but its love we’re talking about. I used to ask the question “will you love me forever” … but I realized I started to live in the future because I was insecure of where I was. By focusing on that question, I missed out on where I was right now, in the present and the love given so freely to me. So I learned not to ask or worry about that. And that’s ok …
Love is a wonderful emotion that for the most part can bring much joy and peace into anyone’s life. It gives life and makes you want to two-step your way through the day. So enjoy it for all it has to offer and when the dark side of love reveals itself in a not so pretty face … take it in stride and grow from the experience because as Mandy say’s, “that’s the deal with love”