Thoughts of an 11 year old

 

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How does an 11 year old reconcile certain thoughts in her mind?  What can possibly be so upsetting, so hurtful that she could spiral to a level so deep and dark that she is no longer aware of the consequences of her actions?  What can trigger such bitterness and anger towards a mom or the world that it pushes her into a place of darkness and disconnect that no one can bring her back.  And in this case … no one can or ever will.

A young girl who barely lived her life and only began to experience the journey takes her own life.  Why?  Why is the never ending question I have that I know won’t be answered.  I want to ask her why?  Was she only trying to get back at her mom because she was grounded?  Was she only trying to stir up some drama and hope her mom would find her in time before it was too late?  Was this an act of defiance that went terribly wrong and in no way was the outcome truly the girls plan?

She put so much thought into this.  Albeit all in a very short time span, but well calculated except for the ending perhaps.  To spiral in such a way and think this through by leaving a note in order to inflict more pain to the reader, her mom … how does an 11 year old contemplate such things?  Where do these ideas and thoughts come from?  Children should never be capable of thinking anything so dark.

I remember when I was the same age. The worst thing I ever thought of doing to get back at my parents was to threaten to run away from home.  Suicide was never a thought.  It just didn’t exist in the scope of my thoughts.  And even when I did threaten to run away, I never did because I couldn’t and didn’t have the guts to do it.  But here we are today and we mourn the loss of a beautiful young soul who came here to experience life and so abruptly decided to leave … left far too early.  Not knowing what she was doing. Not processing things in a logical way.  Why?

If she truly meant to hurt her mother through her actions, this was definitely achieved.  She did more than just hurt, she wounded her.  How can the mom ever reconcile living with the fact that the last thing she did was ground her daughter for being unruly and disrespectful and send her to her room?  Something we would not think twice about doing when it comes to our own children.  Again, why?  What went wrong?

How can we even fathom the thought that there is a greater purpose surrounding a tragic event like this?  I remember how angry I was when Laura passed away and not know how to deal with the death of a child.  I was angry, I lashed out.  I went into my dark place …

I continue believing there is purpose behind everything that happens in life.  Every action causes a reaction. Simple physics.  What this child has done has had an impact on so many people. Her actions created such a wave of re-actions.   Her parents, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, friends, neighbors, classmates, teachers … and many more.  How will one little girl’s actions change or effect the re-actions of all these people?

If there truly is order to everything on this planet, then we must step back and look at the events that happen in our lives on a daily basis and find meaning.  I did not know this young girl.  I have seen a couple of photos and she was a beautiful young lady with all the hopes and dreams of all children her age.  Her passing has affected me.  It has touched me.  It has moved me.  Its hurt me.  At the simplest level, it again reminds me of the fragility of life.  At any time and in any way, it can be taken away from us.

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Our Future

Children are our future and we must do more to protect them.  They are exposed to so much more violence and mind numbing, shocking, senseless acts through all forms of media that they start to believe this is the norm.  I hear of so much more abuse these days than when I was growing up.  Abuse not just from grownups but from their own peers.  What more can we do to protect them?  How do we discipline and guide the acts and thoughts of our children?  These are things that we need to take a hard look at as parents and guardians of these little angels that walk among us.

If not this, what other purpose does the death of young girl serve?  How will I honor this young girl’s death?  Now that you have read this, how will you honor this tragic loss?

 

 

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