Me on being real

Be realIt feels as though it has been years since I last wrote and if I wait a few more months it will have been a year.  I have written blogs since last September, but I’ve stored them on my computer and not posted them.  It made me realize that maybe there are things I do not want to share.  Perhaps there are parts of my life that I am embarrassed about or feel too sensitive about to share with the world.

Does that make me less genuine?  Less transparent? Perhaps disingenuous? Maybe fake? I’d like to think, not.

We live in a world of online media where we can post every single detail of our lives. We have gotten so used to seeing our “likes” and checking out who has seen our photos or followed our story and it’s become an addiction in and of itself.

Sharing the details of my breakup and the events that led to the end of a 3.5-year relationship isn’t what I want to share and yet that is the part of me that makes me real. Talking about how I was duped or used for personal gain in my personal life or business life aren’t things I like to share because it exposes my vulnerability, my weaknesses.  And yet, these are the things that make life real.

I know that when people go through my Facebook page, they see this amazing life of travel and exploring and food that almost seems like a dream-like life and yet those are the pauses, the commas, in between the real day to day life events that very few get to see. How many of us are bold enough to share the raw truth of our day to day lives?  Some of the real struggles that make us seem weak, tired, vulnerable, even if we are not?

We are concerned more with perception than reality.

No one knows of the sleepless nights stressing over life events.  Waking in pain at times for no apparent reason.  Feeling alone, missing family and friends and longing for a true soulful connection that nurtures and supports or gives me strength.

These are not the things we typically will ever see on a day to day update on Facebook or Instagram or any other social site.  Perhaps we believe if we only post the good stuff, the fun stuff, our online life will seem like the reality versus what we actually go through daily.

As connected as we are in the world because of technology, that same technology has removed the human element in our interactions.  Technology has created this alter-ego of a lifestyle that we want others to see us through. In essence, we put on rose shaded glasses for others to view our life through.

Life is meant for living in real time, in this dimension and not in an altered-reality-online-social-site. Quite frankly I am unsure of my message here today. I think it’s just me ranting about some deep seeded feelings given the emotional state I have been in for the past few months.  Maybe it’s time for me to be a little more real than I have been in the past as well.

In the last couple of years, I have experienced a broken heart through my breakup. Witnessed the demise of my business because of lies and deceit. Watched my aunt suffer through her last few days here on earth as I said goodbye to her one last time. This is life.  It fills the spaces from one comma to another and sentences in between.  These are the things you haven’t seen on Facebook or Instagram.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to post some pictures from this past weekend of me with the Opera Singers.