In my life

At a very young age, I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up – a priest.  Funny, right? I saw myself in front of people in a church speaking from a podium and preaching.  Then I also realized how much I loved being around girls and of course that was not going to work in my decided vocation. So, I had to rethink, and of course, I never did see it clearly for a very long time.

I married at a young age, and before I knew it, I was a dad and that rocked my world completely. I thought it would be a walk in the park. Of course, nothing could have ever prepared me for what was in store as a dad, provider, protector, teacher, mentor, counselor, defender, and friend.  I was a proud father and Laura Maria was and is to this day, my world. I never imagined at that age where I’d be today. I seem to have envisioned things very differently.

If I look back at the years of my existence, it feels like life happened in a matter of minutes.  The people that came and went … there are so many.  Countless conversations, hours that have added up to days, weeks, and more. Bits of memory bytes that pop in here and there from childhood through to recent days. All of my experiences, challenges, heartbreaks, thrills, risks, mess-ups, and fuckups, all of it … bring me to me.  Here today … who I am, Francesco Guzzo.

In all honesty, I know I’ve hurt and disappointed people in my life.  My parents have been disappointed with some decisions I’ve made. Friends, family, lovers, yes, I’ve disappointed a few. Was I selfish? I have watched those close to me, pass.  I’ve seen life come into this world. I have felt unconditional love, and on the other side of that pendulum, I’ve been judged and criticized for my thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Today, I find myself living in a cynical world full of lies, deceit, hidden agendas, greed, and love of money and power, and not just in politics, but all around. The media who once was needed to keep me informed, can’t be trusted to share simple truths. People are desperate to be in relationships and lie to themselves and those around them to get what they want. This isn’t how life was meant to be.

In spite of it all, I am eternally grateful.  I trust in God. An incredible circle of friends surrounds me.  I have faith. I believe in love and how magical it can be when two people make that special connection. I know I have a higher purpose here and still seek it out through my work and daily interactions. These are the ebbs and flows of my life.

Years ago, when I interviewed Dr. Michael Newton in his book, Journey of Souls, I learned things that became an anchor for me and helped me through some of the hardships life threw at me. He, just like other individuals planted seeds, messages, that ultimately gave me strength and hope to keep pressing forward and to keep believing. Every single event moves me into experiencing life in a new way. 

All of this happened in the blink of the eye. Oftentimes, I wish I could have a do-over. The things that matter most are no longer tangibles, but family, friends, health. And perhaps one day, a love I connect with on a level beyond others from my past. This new milestone in my life was not easy to accept.  I feel like I needed more time to get here.

I’m reminded of a Beatles song, “In My Life”.  The lyrics are quite appropriate.

There are places I’ll remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone, and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends, I still can recall
Some are dead, and some are living
In my life, I’ve loved them all

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