Back in December of 2012, I posted this on Facebook. It was about trust. Trust has always been a hard one for me. Maybe because I have been burned so many times in my life (personal and business) and perhaps because I have also created situations where I could not be trusted. I can think back to my own parents, giving them plenty of reasons to not trust me. I was pretty rebellious back then. Perhaps to some extent I still am.
The point though before I digress is that trust is of paramount importance. In my humble opinion, I feel as though we all have some level of trust issue or insecurity that revolves around trusting an individual, organization or institution. Look at the political environment we live in. How can anyone trust what truth is? Can we trust the media? Can we trust that politicians will do what they promise and stand up for “we, the people”?
We come into this world trusting unconditionally that our parents would take care of us so our needs are met. Babies don’t have to learn trust. They know the touch of their mother and the sound of her voice and know they are safe. Somewhere along the journey as we are exposed to the environment and its inhabitants, we lose this sense of trust.
I’m not suggesting that we live our lives questioning everything that is being said or that we need to burrow ourselves into a cave underground and avoid all contact with the outside world for fear of being hurt or taken advantage of. The environment, the people, the conditions that surround us really make us question though, who can I trust?
Relationships have been a challenge for me and this I will openly admit. Given what I have learned over the years, I can say this with certainty; Trust is a deal breaker in any relationship. If we cannot trust our partner who we love, the one person who we chose to live every day of our lives with; the one person we call family, lover, friend, husband, wife, partner … if we cannot trust that what we have between us is pure truth, then the relationship is doomed.
2012 was a particularly challenging time for me. I was fed a hard lesson on trust. I wanted to trust a woman I was in a relationship with but every time I turned around things didn’t add up. Stories didn’t match. Paranoia ensued to the point where I thought I was imagining all this and none of it could be true. It’s a long story with a sad ending. I ignored the signs, overrode my intuition and paid the price … the hurt was both physical and emotional. How could I have been so blind?
The scars ran deep but like all scars, they healed. The lessons remain and at times I do forget. But the reminders are there. In business, I can sense it. Intuitively I know who I can trust. I can hear it in how they speak to me. I can feel it and lately, I have placed more emphasis on being guided, believing and knowing through Faith in God
People speak to me all day long. I am having to make decisions based on what I hear, see and overlay that with what I know about the individual I am working with and make a decision to do this or do that. Sometimes its pretty cut and dry others its not. I make a decision and live with my choice and can support or defend my position should things not go as planned
But why is it so effing hard in a personal relationship? Everything seems to get jumbled up. Wires get crossed. Communication, the self-talk is all questionable. Can I trust you? Can you trust me? Can I trust myself?
And that is the million dollar question. Can I trust myself? What happens if I do and I shouldn’t have? My head says one thing and my heart says another so what do I do? Books written about relationships line shelves from here to eternity and a point can be made for any argument regardless of what side it’s on. How do we function with all this noise around us? It’s so convoluted and complicated because emotions run deep. The heart is involved. Love is involved. And we will all react differently. (more on this in the second half of this blog)
I want to trust my own decision-making ability and not question it. I want to believe I make the right choices. I’ve invested all of me in everything I’ve done.
The self-talk can drive you mad!
Look, I am not cynical about trust and certainly not about relationships. I’m merely making a point. Trust is hard. Its either there or it isn’t. There is no grey area when it comes to trust. It can be developed over time but I also believe that when you meet someone for the first time, you will know fairly quickly whether you can trust this person or not. Call it a hunch, intuition, guidance … you just know.
I will add that we need to be careful not to let the current global events and those here at home in the US complicate or muddy the waters for us. The political climate has played havoc with everyone’s emotions and tempers are flaring up everywhere. Hate and hate crimes are at an all-time high. Life is challenging enough on its own without adding all this additional crap.
My point in all this is live a life that allows people to trust you and feel safe not just in your presence but more importantly when you are not around. When trust is broken, it is a hard uphill challenge to reestablish that space. Not everyone will make it.
As I stated in my own quote: “I push my limits on trusting. … trusting that the Universe will guide me … on all levels … for my highest and best good” and remember this final quote “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair.”
Can I trust you?